My great uncle turns 99 on April 12. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what the heck you get someone who’s turning 99, when I accidentally came accross this information on a website:

Presidential Birthday Cards
You can receive a signed certificate from the President himself for anyone turning 80 or older. Send a request at least 4 weeks in advance to:

The Greetings Office
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20500

SWEET. DONE. And it’s free.

I am picky.

Actually, I prefer the term “choosy.” When I go to a restaurant, I find the best thing on the menu and I order that dish. Every time.

My slectiveness extends past food and into the rest of my life almost to the point of neurosis.

It can take me hours to go shopping. In a single store. I sweep through the store and pull everything that I’m interested in. Then I make a round of putting half of it back after comparing items to eachother. Then I try things on, weigh the pros, cons, and prices of each, and try to estimate if this is an item I will still be excited about after it isn’t “new” any more. Then I make another sweep around the store putting more things back until I finally approach the counter with one or two items. I prefer to shop alone.

I’m a researcher by nature. If I make an online purchase, you can bet I’ve spent a good week and a half researching the item, comparing prices, versions, retailers, etc. For instance, in creating this new blog, I have tried just about every blog software available before finally deciding on this one.

If it’s something I want, believe me, I’ve picked out the EXACT make, model and version of it and nothing else will do.

As you may have guessed, gift shopping for me can be a bit difficult if I don’t have a detailed list. My family got smart this year: I got my two favorite gifts – cash and gift cards.

Dress Test:
Obtain one live, large and very unhappy octopus. Stuff said octopus into a small net bag, making sure all the arms stay inside.

Night Test:
Fill a small cloth bag with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

It’s 2AM. And I’m still awake. The guys are playing video games on the big screen and here I sit on the couch, documenting this moment in history.

I feel like a college student, with no pressing obligations (save the mounds of homework that I grew very good at ignoring) and the ability to throw caution to the wind as I doom myself to baggy, drooping eyes tomorrow.

It’s exhilarating. I know I will regret this tomorrow when my 4-month-old reminds me that I’m too old for late nights, and that the blissful days of sleeping in are eternally over, but for the time being I am getting a fresh breeze of youth.

I turn 26 on Monday. 26 is one year from 27, which is one year from 28, which is ABSOLUTELY ANCIENT. I need all the youth I can get.

The End of Tolerance?

This fascinates me. I was wondering in what form the backlash to the Islamic violence and brutality would come.

I will also be interested in seeing if the backlash to tolerance makes its way to the US, particularly in the religious arena. It’s gotten to the point where American “tolerance” has transitioned into “censorship” and is coming full circle to strong intolerance of what used to be the norm (i.e. Christianity).

Since she was born, Kaelin has been sleeping in our room each night, to ease the mid-night feedings. She has developed her own bedtime routine and has been unable recently to go down for the night outside her normal routine, which includes me holding/rocking her, turning on the music, and placing her in her Pack ‘n’ Play in our room. She’ll take a nap anywhere but she will not go to sleep for the night anywhere but in her Pack ‘n’ Play.

I just put her down for the night in her crib in the nursery and she actually went to sleep. Score.

On the not-so-cool side, the new nanny quit today. Once again, we’re looking for a daytime solution for our daughter so I don’t have to quit my job to be a SAHM. Fabulous.

To her credit, it wasn’t really her fault. She’s on maternity leave and recently found out while resigning from her teaching job that she’s under contract with her school district and if she quits, the State of Texas will revoke her license and she’ll never be able to teach in that district again. Surprise.

It just plain sucks for everybody.

The YMCA, performed by a troupe of clowns? What was that?

Oh, and I TOTALLY heart Andre Bocelli.

But could Ricky Marting lip sync any more obviously? Seriously now.

U.S. Motto Has A Hollow Ring

“I’m comfortable with what I’ve accomplished, including at the Olympics,” Bode Miller says. “I came in here to race as hard as I could. That was my obligation to myself.”

Hmm…from the hype and the advertisements, I figured he came in there to win. Or at least to FINISH THE RACES. But that’s just me.

My ears are ringing. It seems that every few days, Kaelin discovers a new quality to her voice. The other day it was squealing at the top of her lungs. Every time she got excited about something, she would emit a high-pitched shriek at approximately 150 decibels. Cute.

Today she discovered that she can make the same noise when she’s irritated about something and make us jump out of our skin. Not so cute. She broke all the glass in the house at nap time. She apparently wasn’t in the mood for nap time. Or bed time tonight. I think I’m finally starting to regain the hearing in my left ear.

Democrats Fail to Find Message

I like this article. How come the Brittish can see so much more clearly what’s going on in our country than we can? Benefit of being removed, I suppose.

But seriously, with Bush’s declining approval rates, the democrats are squandering the opportunity to deliver a fatal blow to the republicans, such as with the Ports deal – something that cannot be reasonably defended, and they’re hardly making a fuss about it. Instead, they’re clowning around and focusing their attention on things that don’t matter at all, like Cheney’s hunting accident. What a waste.

There is a new sign posted on my office door. It is a blatant warning to all who approach that if the door is closed, it must remain so upon penalty of death, screaming and object-throwing.

I am breastfeeding, or at least attempting to. (After a bout of food poisoning a few weeks ago, my milk supply has not been very adequate and we’ve had to supplement heavily with formula.) Anyway, doing so requires me to take about 15 minutes once or twice a day to pump, so that my daughter has a supply for the next day while I’m at work. Hence the closed door.

Today was the THIRD time one of my bosses has walked in on me with my shirt pulled up and my boobs exposed. THIRD.

The first time, Boss A kocked, I said DON’T COME IN, and he came in. He then proceded to talk to me as though he didn’t notice that I was trying to hide behind my monitor. I think he really didn’t notice. So I chalked the situation up to ignorance and blindness on his part and didn’t harbor any hard feelings.

The second time, Boss A repeated the above scenario and got yelled out of the office. I then had a conversation with him about the fact that I was breastfeeding and unless he wanted to see THIS EXPRESSION, he should not open the door. He agreed. We had reached an understanding and he has since stayed away from the closed door.

Today, I had the door closed and Boss B just opens it and comes strolling through. No knock, just open and in he comes. DOES IT NOT OCCUR TO ANYONE THAT A CLOSED DOOR IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR ENTRY???

The first time I didn’t think anything of it, besides grattitude for a well-placed computer monitor. The second time I was irritated. TODAY I AM PISSED. And even though it was technically his first offense, Boss B got an earful.

Just for clarification, I don’t work with any perverts. They really aren’t malevolent. Just stupid.

For those who don’t know, American Idol is my reality TV weakness. I think it stems from the fact that I always wished I could sing really really well in front of an audience. Unfortunately, my nerves always got in the way and bungled any opportunities I might have had for acclimade. I faked teary eyes at my brother’s wedding to hide the high note that my nerves mangled.

I’m a little disappointed. In general, with the guys this year. They seem unusually unimpressive. It’s as though the judges went solely for individuality this year, rather than for true talent. Individuality doesn’t sell CDs if you can’t sing.

Bobby’s rendition of Copacabana was almost entertaining, but too reminiscent of a third-rate lounge performance. Kevin is a cute kid, but he doesn’t have any business making records at this point. is like watching a bad Elvis impersonator in Vegas. Oh, and Bobby Brady needs a new haircut. Out of the whole country, they couldn’t find anybody better than these guys?

I’m also disappointed that Stevie is going home instead of Heather. True, her performance was pretty…out of place…I don’t know what she was thinking by trying to sing an opera song to compete in a pop contest…but based on her previous auditions the girl can SING. I wasn’t so convinced that Heather had the same calibur of talent and thought her performance was singularly average and boring. I was really hoping that Stevie would get a second chance.