I’m having an episode of cowardice. Since J is out of work as of today, we will no longer be needing (or be able to afford) our nanny, who we just hired like a week ago.

The nanny who quit her job so she could work with us.

The nanny who just spent the last two days with her son in the hospital because he inhaled a chip and was having to undergo tests and procedures that consequently incurred an uncomfortable amount of medical bills (I don’t think they have insurance).

And I’m having a hard time bringing myself to the point of being able to tell her that now she’s out of work.

But I don’t have a choice.

Ick.

Every morning, Kaelin wakes up talking and babbling to herself. She will do this for a good half hour before realizing that laying in her crib is boring and we need to come get her out of there already. It’s cute, so I thought I’d share it with you.

Morning Babbles

The White House just called. And I lied to them. I don’t even lie to telemarketers and I LIED TO THE GOVERNMENT. What was I thinking???

They’re probably going to start bugging my phone now. If I suddenly disappear it’s because they found out and came to get me.

Yikes.

In honor of the fact that I’m feeling sorry for myself today, I’m completely blowing my (diet?) and going full out with Pizza, REAL COKE and breadsticks. Next it will be strip clubs, gambling and booze. In that order.

My mouth is numb. I can’t feel the left side of my tongue and the girls at work are laughing at the way I talk.

Just got back from the dentist, where I had to have two cavities filled. Actually, the cavities weren’t nearly as bad as the cleaning, and I swear if my mouth wasn’t already half-numb from the cavities, I would have cried during the cleaning. I think she removed several pieces of my gum with that little pick. I could taste the blood and she kept having to rinse it off. You would think that would be a sign that hey, this doesn’t feel too good…but no, I had to ask her to quit making me bleed because it HURTS.

They also took a chunk out of my pocketbook because, as we recently found out, there is a 12-month waiting period on my new dental insurance.

Anyway, on to other news.

J is out of a job. Can’t spill too many details because of the whole “blogging isn’t as anonymous as you think it is” thing…although, what would they do – fire him???

But basically, ThirdParty found out from J that CEO was doing something behind his back…J wasn’t gossiping, he had just ASSUMED that ThirdParty was already involved, since it was ThirdParty’s project. So ThirdParty got mad at CEO for going around him without telling him and basically CEO took it out on J for “sharing proprietary information.”

J should have known better than to assume his company was acting in a completely ethical manner. But I’m not bitter.

Anyway, tomorrow is his last day.

Funny, the other day I was saying that I kind of preferred life to move at a faster pace than it seemed to be going for us at the time.

Um…this isn’t exactly what I had in mind. J was on vacation on Monday, out of a job by Wednesday, and Friday will be his last day. Yeah, that’s fast paced.

On the bright side, I won the Whine of Substance Award over at Phantom Scribbler’s Place.

Poo. Double Poo.

Kaelin may be at work with me again tomorrow. She spent yesterday accompanying the nanny to doctor after specialist after hospital because the Nanny’s son had inhaled a cracker and gotten it lodged in his lung. He spent the night in the hospital and today they’re doing a procedure to remove it, which hopefully will be somewhat minor but there’s always a worst-case scenario. Regardless, I’m kind of doubtful that the nanny will be up for a day of work tomorrow.

I just hope they have health insurance.

I have a dent in my front tooth. I just noticed it today.

And it’s driving me nuts.

I am one of those weirdos who will wiggle a loose tooth until it comes out, pick at a scab (or a zit) until it scars, and take my toenail clean off because of a little hangnail. Ergo, I have never had long fingernails.

I simply cannot allow an abnormality to just exist. I have to make a crater out of a mole hill. Like the dog who licks the wound for so long that it gets infected and he has to wear that cone around his head because otherwise they’d have to amputate his leg.

So here I sit running my fingernail over the dent in my tooth again. and again. and again.

I wish head cones were a bit more chic.

“I admire her. This is an idealized figure,” he said.

I don’t have a babysitter for most of today, so Kaelin is a work with me.

She’s sitting on my desk surrounded with her toys and has made it very clear to me that toy manufacturers are WAY off base.

Where are the toys shaped like staplers, CD covers, telephone cords, lotion bottles, pens, file folders, message pads and all the other stuff she is obsessed with grabbing off my desk, knocking over and dropping on the floor?

Compared to the treasure trove on my desk, her massive inventory of children’s playthings is just not cutting it today.

What…???

My boss says I’m exceedingly unusual in that I have gift for reading.

READING?

Yes, he says. He goes on to explain that 99% of people DON’T/CAN’T/REFUSE TO READ. And the 1% of them who do, don’t comprehend the stuff they’re reading anyway. I’m not talking about leisure reading, I’m talking about the day-to-day words that are supposed to keep us informed and functioning.

Now, I’m not going to dissect these percentages, but the basic gist is that PEOPLE WOULD RATHER LIE THAN READ.

Example: Those Terms & Conditions signature blocks on applications and contracts, stating that “By signing here, I acknowledge that I have read and understood yada yada…” are completely worthless outside of legal protection.

Being in the particular line of work that I am in, I know this to be true. I can’t tell you how many times I get “I wasn’t told that,” “That’s not what the Guidebook says” (People, I WROTE THE FRIGGIN GUIDEBOOK, I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS) or “I read the bylaws carefully and I didn’t see the big paragraph with the glaring heading that told me I couldn’t do that.”

I also see this problem in the blogosphere. For instance, recently there has been a big commotion about this post, in which a fellow mommy blogger discussed having respect for one’s spouse by taking care of her physical appearance, among other things. She used an example of women she knows who maintained their good looks only long enough to “catch” a man, and then let themselves go. Face it people, THIS HAPPENS. Don’t try to deny it.

When I read this post, I took away the following message:

“People in an intimate relationship should be considerate of each other and understand that their physical appearance, and any MAJOR change to it, can affect their partner and their relationship.”

Come to find out, 50 gazillion people around the country read the SAME POST and took away quite a different message:

“Women should always be thin for their husbands because no man deserves an ugly woman, and men should be perfectly justified in divorcing a woman because she’s fat” or something to that effect.

After reading several irate responses to that post, I was left wondering, “Did these people read the same blog I did? Where did all this anger and imposed judgment come from???”

I just don’t understand why people are so trigger happy about picking a fight. They would rather villianize and create an enemy out of someone who doesn’t deserve it, than take the time to FRIGGIN READ WHAT SHE WROTE.

Why? Are we that in need of conflict in our daily lives that we have to generate it? Our lives are too peaceful and orderly in this country, so we need to create the enemy? The media is often (in my opinion, justly) accused of such such fabrication, but is it really just a reflection of our own weakness?

America is a country of causes. Everybody seems to need something to stand on the soapbox and be angry and offended about, even if the matter is a ghost.

And it makes me sad.

Kaelin and I have an unspoken agreement. It goes something like this: I get up every night between 3 and 4:00 am and fix her a bottle. In return, she drinks the bottle and goes promptly back to sleep for several more hours.

Last night, she utterly violated her side of the agreement. By “violated” I mean shredded it into little tiny pieces, set them on fire, and distributed the ashes around my groggy, sleep-deprived body.

I need a nap.

What’s worse is that I had to get up early this morning for a dentist appointment. The nanny showed up late but somehow I still managed to make the appointment on time, only to be told that I have two cavities that need immediate attention and there’s a 12-month waiting period on my new dental insurance.

Fabulous.