Well, the guy that we’re trying to by the house from is being an ass about it.   He wants his asking price and not a penny less and he’s totally playing hardball, which sucks.

But I don’t really care right now because I’M IN NEW YORK!   See you when I get back!

Hi.

It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve posted a blog entry, but my entry dates tell me it’s only been a few days.

It has been a very very busy few days.

We’ve seen, no joke, somewhere in the vicinity of 30 houses.   We narrowed it down to two and could NOT agree on which of the two to go with.   I wanted the house with no upgrades but tons of space, because you can add anything after the fact except square feet.   J wanted the smaller house that still had everything we needed, but had some upgrades.   Unfortunately, they weren’t upgraded in the way I would have chosen to do it myself, and they did the most ridiculously sloppy paint job I’ve ever seen.   Cherry cabinets are great, but when the edges have white paint all over them because the idiots didn’t use TAPE, it’s very difficult to fix.

In the end, we ended up marking both houses off our list and making our real estate agent hate us completely revamping our search criteria.

And yesterday, we found it.   The ONE.

Actually, there were two, and once again we had to choose between them, but it was a much better situation this time because a) we both would have been very happy in either one, b) they’re both move-in-ready, and c) we didn’t disagree on which one was the better house.

It’s just that there was a $30,000 price difference between the two and we had to decide whether it was worth it to have a bigger house (which is really more than we need right now), or to save $30,000.

It was a hard decision but we ended up going with the bigger house.   It has a sunroom and extra space so that when Kaelin has friends over to spend the night, or we have Christmas parties, or we end up with the entire youth group taking up residence at our place for a week, there will be room for that.   And the master bedroom is totally secluded from all the other bedrooms and mayhem that will undoubtedly be going on during those times.

Like I said, it’s really quite a bit more than we need in a house right now.   But the plan is to stay here for years.   As in, more than two.   Two years is the longest I’ve stayed at any one address since I graduated high school.   And although new things can be fun, I’m tired of having to move all the time.   Of hesitating to personalize and make a house MINE because we’ll need to move in a year.

So this time we planned for the future.   The way far out future.   And in that respect, it’s perfect.   We love the house, we love the location, the family-oriented neighborhood with community parks and pools and even a water park.   We love that it’s close to my parents, which will ease my commute when I drop Kaelin off at my mom’s house on the way to work.   And it’s pretty centrally located with respect to most of our friends.

And we love that the people who live there have no pets and no children and both work so they are never home and the house is immaculately clean and doesn’t even look lived in.

And they have relatively decent taste, save an over-indulged affection for mirrors.   We call it the Mirror Mansion.   Seriously, I can watch myself when I’m cooking, eating, working on the computer, doing laundry, getting out of bed, walking down the hall, sitting in the living room, vacuuming the stairs and peeing.

It’s kind of weird, actually, and I think some of those are going to have to go.

We made an offer on the house today and are waiting for their counter offer.   Fingers crossed.   I’m really excited about this house, and the more I think about it, the more I love it.

I’m such a house dork.

I was almost afraid to write about it just because I’m inherently superstitious.

Have I mentioned that we sold the house? I have?

Well I’m going to say it again because I’m still enjoying the sound of it: WE SOLD OUR HOUSE.

No more vacuuming every day, no more worrying about being unable to get the price we need, no more stuffing the laundry under the bed to keep it out of sight while random strangers poke around in our bedroom.

That last part alone makes me want to start dancing with glee, but I won’t and you should thank me for that. Dancing does not run in our genes, which is why when my daughter attempts to boogie down she just looks like she’s operating marionette puppets.

One day she will come home crying because she did not make the school dance team and I will comfort her with the fact that it is not her fault because all the cartwheels and pompoms in the world cannot overcome genetics. But it’s not so bad because she did get a killer set of dimples and there are people who pay money to achieve that kind of cute SO BUTTON, YOU MAY REMIND YOUR FATHER WHEN HE’S SCARING ALL THE BOYS AWAY WITH HIS SHOTGUN, THAT HE IS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE REASON THEY ARE SO INFATUATED WITH YOU.

But back to the house, or rather lack of. See, our original plan was to build a house, and we’ve signed the paperwork and picked out our tile and carpet and everything was hunky dorey. Except that the house won’t be built until at least November, and we close on our current house mid-August.

I’m going to give you a moment to do the math on that one.

So there we have it: We have sold our house in less than 3 weeks, and in another 3 weeks we will have no place to live.

So the plans have changed a bit. We are now looking at current houses on the market, hoping that somehow we will find a house that we like as much or more than our new construction, and that somehow we can put a contract and close on this new mystery house in less than a month.

Tomorrow we’re going to hit the house shopping hard-core. I’ve sent our agent a list of like 30 houses to get through, and hopefully by the end of the day we’ll know where we want to be. No problem, right?

Call me an optimist. But everything seems easier once you are no longer shoving toys in the dishwasher and dog food in the dryer every time you leave the house.

Well guess what?  We sold our house!  In record time.  Which is both good and bad.

Good because, well, we sold our house.  I’m going to say that again because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy:  WE SOLD OUR HOUSE.  No more vacuuming every day, no more worrying about being unable to get the price we need, no more stuffing the laundry under the bed to keep it out of sight while random strangers poke around in our bedroom.

That last part alone makes me want to start dancing with glee, but I won’t and you should thank me for that.  Dancing does not run in our genes, which is why when my daughter attempts to boogie down she just looks like she’s operating marionette puppets.

One day she will come home crying because she did not make the school dance team and I will comfort her with the fact that it is not her fault because all the cartwheels and pompoms in the world cannot overcome genetics.  But it’s not so bad because she did get a killer set of dimples and there are people who pay money to achieve that kind of cute SO KAELIN YOU MAY REMIND YOUR FATHER WHEN HE’S USING A SHOTGUN TO SCARE ALL THE BOYS AWAY, THAT HE IS SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE REASON THEY ARE SO INFATUATED WITH YOU.

But back to the house, or rather lack of.  See, our original plan was to build a house in NE Frisco, and we’ve signed the paperwork and picked out our tile and carpet and everything was hunky dorey.  Except that the house won’t be built until at least November, and we close on our current house mid-August.

I’m going to give you a moment to do the math on that one.

So there we have it: We have sold our house in less than 3 weeks, and in another 3 weeks we will have no place to live.

So the plans have changed a bit.  We are now looking at current houses on the market, hoping that somehow we will find a house that we like as much or more than our new construction, and that somehow we can put a contract and close on this new mystery house in less than a month.  No problem, right?

Call me an optimist.  But everything seems easier after shoving toys in the dishwasher and dog food in the dryer every time you leave the house.

WE SOLD OUR HOUSE! WE! SOLD! THE! HOUSE! THE HOUSE IS SOLD! (does Jubilant Happy Dance) WE SOLD THE HOUSE! YAY YAY YAY! WE SOLD THE HOUSE!

…

…

…

OH CRAP, WE SOLD THE HOUSE! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO??? AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! (does Frantic We-Have-No-Place-to-Live Dance)

Our buyers are firm that they have to close by August 17 (as in, less than a month from now). The new house won’t be ready until November. Uh….

AAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That is all.

More later.   Possibly much more.   Possibly just a little more.

Rules for showing a house*:

1. Leave the house spotless, with no miscellaneous items laying about.
2. Confine pets to a closet or crate, or better yet, have them be absent when the buyers show up. Hide pet food and other pet-related items that may normally be in plain view
3. Be out of the house when the buyers arrive

*I’ve truncated this list to the rules that actually apply to us, because things like “Don’t leave poop on the floor” are not really an issue around here

Well, I think I botched a showing yesterday. I learned that when I’m on my own, 30 minutes is NOT enough time to prepare this house for a showing, even if I’ve picked up and straightened the night before and the morning of.

Actually, I had asked for 45 minutes, but by the time Central Showing Agency called the buyers’ agent to confirm and then called me back, my time slot had dwindled to 30 minutes.

I dashed home from work and furiously flew through the house cleaning, straightening, putting things away (darn the laundry, my ever-present foe), vacuuming, emptying the trash and the litter box.

When they showed up, I was still here. Caught. They could see me through the second floor window trying to throw the vacuum into the closet. I was frantic, out of breath (Dude.   I REALLY need one of those Dyson light-weight vacuums), and I could not find the cat.

They were very nice about it all and told me I didn’t have to leave during the showing because they might have questions anyway. Their agent made a comment about how clean and nice the house was. But as I was cruising through the kitchen trying to keep out of the way, I noticed some areas that I hadn’t gotten to… crumbs and random cooking supplies on the counter tops and stove (WTH? I don’t even cook, and I’m having issues with cooking ingredients?), miscellaneous pieces of vegetables on the floor from Kaelin’s dinner the night before, a sticky spot on the wood where Kaelin had spilled some juice (apparently I’m using the wrong cleaner because the sticky won’t go away no matter how many times I clean it), the dog food still out…

How embarrassing.

The couple was a young pair and I suspect they had a little one on the way, with the interest they took in Kaelin’s room (and particularly her little dresses hanging in the closet). They were very nice and seemed to like the house so there’s a part of me that’s hoping they’ll come back a second time so I can show them that I’m not a complete moron. But for the most part I think I may have to chalk it up to a learning experience.

Note to self: Next time, insist on having an hour at home before the buyers show up.

My husband is currently vacationing (I know. Without me. I know. You think so too? I totally agree. But he did buy me a trip to New York. And I’m not sure that bushwhacking in rural Alaska is my idea of a vacation anyway. Love your shoes, by the way. So anyway…) and Kaelin is staying with the grandparents and the dog is being boarded, so the only one who stuck around tonight is the cat.

So tonight it’s just me and my pus$y.

What, you didn’t see that coming? Seriously? I know, I don’t usually go for jokes in such bad taste. But every once in a while I can’t help myself.

Just got back from the new Harry Potter movie and it was highly enjoyable. And now I should be cleaning the house just in case anybody wants to come see it tomorrow while I’m at work.

If there’s one thing I really resent, it’s cleaning. If there’s one thing I just can’t stand, it’s cleaning just in case. Cleaning is a lot of work and the thought that it might be totally in vain just irks me, especially when the time could better be spent sleeping. Or blogging, as the case may be.

This whole “clean the house every day” thing just … sucks. I told my real estate agent that once we sell the house, I’m not vacuuming again for a solid MONTH. Maybe longer. Vacuuming two floors every day is enough to drive me batty.

On the bright side, it helps me know EXACTLY where people are going in my house, because I can trace their footprints. After one showing, I was pretty sure I had a heard of elephants go through my house. There was not a square foot in the house that didn’t have footprints in it, and they even tried out all the furniture.

We had our first open house Sunday. The open house was from 3-5pm. At precisely 3:05pm, a torrential downpour started, and continued through the next hour. Surprisingly, we still had a grand total of 4 families come to the open house. Not bad, considering the weather, but kind of a waste of the 4 dozen cookies I baked.

Our house went on the market almost two weeks ago. Five showings, 50+ taken fliers, and one open house later, we still haven’t seen any offers. Everyone that gives feedback on it says the colors are great and it shows great, and they really like it… so where are the offers?

I’m not very good at waiting games. Not very good at all.

I am very good, however, at procrastinating.

Great.   My daughter cries when I sing opera.

Perhaps it’s a good thing I never put that theatre major to use.

Dear Agents Who Call and Want to Bring Clients to View the House in Fifteen Minutes,

I have a TODDLER.  It takes me 15 minutes to wrestle the remote control out of her hand that she absconded with while I was distracted on the phone with you.

Furthermore, please expect to allow enough time for me to accomplish all of the following before your arrival:

• Forge my way through the trail of destruction my little tornado has left behind, returning her toys and various sundry items to their proper places
• Clear the table tops and counters of all items we put there throughout the day in order to keep them out of reach of said toddler
• Vacuum the carpet to remove the foot and paw prints scattered throughout the house
• Clean the litter box and vacuum out the cat closet under the stairs
• Find and retrieve the cat, who has chosen to hide somewhere completely inaccessible, and put him in his closet
• Clean the litter box again after the cat immediately makes a stinky and refuses to bury it
• Make the bed
• Pick up the bits of cereal my daughter has managed to pull out of the pantry and scatter around the kitchen floor while I was making the bed
• Replace toys that have somehow jumped out off the shelves and landed in the middle of the freshly vacuumed floor
• Catch dog Chase dog
• Blockade various parts of the house in order to catch dog
• Throw dog in the car
• Remove blockades
• Put toddler in high chair in order to keep her off the carpet which now needs to be vacuumed again
• Realize that high chair has not been cleaned off since breakfast
• Clean high chair
• Vacuum.  Again.
• Kill the kitty.  Discover and spot clean puke stain on carpet
• Turn on all the lights
• Put toddler in car
• Pull high chair into garage
• Kick high chair repeatedly for refusing to roll, collapse, or stay put as directed
• Drive away
• Return five minutes later to dispose of bag of cat poo left on back porch
• Drive away again

Keeping that in mind, I think you should allow at least… actually, perhaps you should make an appointment approximately one week in advance.  Your consideration is appreciated.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Frazzled House Owner

PS:  Please buy my house.  You can have the pets too.

Sensing my frustration earlier today, J surprised me with a plane ticket to New York City to go visit Joi in a few weeks.

Do I have the best husband or what?