“It was so weird. They were at a gas station…”

“So weird!”

“…and they paid and were getting in the car…”

“Get in the car!”

“…and the attendant comes running out and starts yelling at them to pay for the gas.”

“Pay for…GASSS!”

“And they’re like, ‘We DID pay – here’s the receipt.’ But the guy wouldn’t let it go because his machine didn’t register their payment or something. It was so stupid.”

“STOOOPID.”

“If they hadn’t paid already, why would they have a receipt from 30 seconds ago?”

“STOOOPID. STOOOPID. STOOOPID.”

“But he kept threatening to call the cops.”

“STOOOPID! STOOOPID! STOOOPID!”

“Kaelin, can you find something else to say?”

“STOOOOPID.   Stoopid.”

“Like, ‘silly.’ Can you say ‘silly?'”

“STOOOPID. “

Kaelin, after nearly losing her balance in the bathtub:

“Whoa, Dude.   WHOA.”

I love the fact that Olive Garden has their restrooms located at the front entrance of the restaurant so when I take Kaelin to change her rather stinky diaper and she yells “EWW, BUTT!” as we’re walking through the lobby, all the staff and waiting patrons get a good giggle out of it.

Sigh.

“Dow.”

“That’s right. There is a cow on your yogurt carton.”

“Dow.”

“What does the cow say?”

“Moo.”

“That’s right. Did you know that cows make milk?   And yogurt is made from milk, so yogurt comes from cows.”

“Eww.”

One of the words that is now gracing my daughter’s vocabulary is “hot” (or “Ott). She understands the concept of “hot” insofar as she is not, under any circumstances, to touch something that is “hot.” If I label the oven “hot,” she’s pretty good at keeping away from it. She does not, however, fully understand the meaning of “hot” beyond the fact that it has to do with temperature. Nor does she understand that food which was once “hot” becomes “cold” and “yucky” after a prolonged period of time.

Me: (placing a glob of her favorite delicacy, macaroni, in front of her)
Her: (gently touching a single macaroni with her index finger) Ott.
Me: It’s not hot.
Her: Ott.
Me: Kaelin, it’s not hot. It’s warm.
Her: (refusing to have anything to do with the macaroni) Ott.
Me: Warm. Warm is good. You can eat warm food.
Her: Ott.
Me: Look, I’ll show you. I’ll eat some too. See? Not hot. Warm…ish. Can you say “room temperature?”
Her: Ott.
Me: No, not hot. Lukewarm.
Her: Ott.
Me:   It’s not hot.
Her: Ott.
Me: Ok, now it’s cold.

Evidently, cold macaroni is acceptable. Because, you know, it’s not hot.

The Scene:

Kaelin (13 months old) is packing away her favorite food: grapes.   She selects one and moves it toward her mouth, anticipating the taste that prompts a delighted “Mmmmm” after every. single. bite.   Yes folks – they are JUST. THAT. GOOD.  

She opens her mouth to receive the grape, but it slips from her fingers and she watches it fall to the floor.   Her mouth pouts and her brows furrow.

“Damn.”

I swear, she didn’t learn that from us.

No, really.

Damn.

For the longest time, Kaelin has shown no interest in any word other than Bah. Everything is Bah. Ball? Bah. Fish? Bah. Puppy? Bah.

Today, she said her first non-bah word, while asking to be lifted onto the couch.

Me: What do you want? Do you want up?

Kaelin: UP!

Me: Did you say Up? Did you actually say a word that didn’t start with “B”??? GOOD JOB!!! Can you say it again?

Kaelin: BUP!

Well, it’s a start anyway.

“You missed it – she said “hi” while you were gone.”

“No she didn’t.”

“Yes, yes she did! It sounded like this…’Haaaii!'”

“She’s been making that sound since she was 3 weeks old.”

“No, it was a WORD this time, I swear! I asked her if she could say it and she DID!”

“Babies don’t talk at 3 months.”

“She did. I heard her. She’s a genious.”

“You’re delusional.”

“You’ll see. Her next word is going to be ‘MAMA.'”