Archive for the ‘Confessions’ Category

Hey, Guess What?

  • I hurt myself from yawning too big.   I think I overstretched the tendon that connects my jaws or something.   I know.   I’m now in competition with Sammy Sosa for lamest injuries.   I wonder if Workers Comp covers that kind of thing.   It was the boredom brought on by my job that forced me to yawn, after all.
  • I dreamed that I had an affair.   With J.   No idea who I was actually married to in the dream.   But Jens’ conscience got the best of him at the last second and he backed out on me.   So I woke up guilty, bummed, grumpy, and horny.   I hate dreams.
  • After 4 years, my dog has just discovered that he has a penis.   He has been licking it for 48 hours straight.   It’s driving us crazy, especially since he sleeps in our room and he’s decided that licking himself is more fun than sleeping.
  • Don’t buy hair dye that costs less than $10.   Especially if you use white towels and don’t want to see it bleeding onto your towel 4 days after you’ve colored your hair.   Just saying.
  • Also, don’t believe the stuff on the box of cheap hair dye that says it comes with highlights and lowlights and multi-faceted color that doesn’t damage your hair.   Bollocks.
  • Tomorrow we close on the house we’re selling.
  • Tomorrow we’re supposed to close on the house we’re buying.
  • Yesterday we found out that the house didn’t appraise for near what we had agreed to pay for it, so now our financing is messed up.
  • The appraiser totally discounted the sunroom, which would have made up the difference in the appraisal price.   He refused to count it as part of the square footage of the house (as a previous appraiser had done) because it didn’t have duct work or something.   But since nobody else in the neighborhood has a sunroom, he couldn’t find “comps” so he just didn’t give it any value at all.
  • Because, you know, if nobody else has one then it must have been free to install.
  • Apparently if you can’t find one just like it then it’s easier just to pretend it doesn’t exist at all than to do some more research and assign a value based on an educated guess.
  • Lazy ass.
  • So we’ve asked the relocation company to lower the price on the house because it doesn’t make much sense to pay more than a house is actually worth.
  • But it’s a relocation company and it will probably take them a week to get back to us because when you have 150 middlemen, things don’t move too quickly.
  • And we don’t know what they’re going to say.
  • So we don’t know if or when we’ll be closing.
  • Annoying, since we’re supposed to move out of our house in 2 days.
  • Regardless, we have to disassemble and pack up our computer tonight or tomorrow, so I’ll probably be offline for a few days.
  • Bummer dude.


Filed under: Confessions,High School,Memories,Personal History — Amy @ 10:55 pm

Every once in a while…probably once every year or two… I go through this “nostalgic” phase. It makes me want to get in touch with all the people I knew in high school and see where various people have ended up and who has changed a lot, and who is exactly the same. So I create and update my profiles on places like Facebook and MySpace and Friendster. And they probably all think one of two things:

  • “Who is that?”
  • “What kind of stalker starts adding people to their ‘friends’ list they haven’t talked to in 8 years?”

Generally, these periods are little more than the result of having too much time on my hands. That is certainly the case now, but the reason for that is material for another post.

Regardless, every time it happens, it floods my mind with memories that I’d long forgotten and confirms for me what a pivotal time high school is as far as childhood development.

I think I was a few years behind most in the “coming of age” saga. For instance, that “finding oneself” phase that most kids seem to go through in the Sophomore year of high school – that didn’t hit me until sometime during college.

My nostalgia also makes me very aware that leaving my family, my friends, my state, and all familiar surroundings to go to college 2500 miles away was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Looking back on the teenager I was, I realize that I found entirely too much of my identity in other people. I think I was aware of that at the time, but didn’t know what to do about it.

Moving away forced me to forge my own identity, pursue what was important to ME, and find a security within myself that didn’t wax and wane with the tides of the people around me. It helped not knowing anyone because I could be the “me” I felt comfortable and happy being, without feeling trapped in the “me” they already expected me to be.

Um…does that make sense?

See, most people around me in high school had already figured out how to do that (see: late bloomer thing previously mentioned). I always envied that, but didn’t know exactly what it was that I was envying. How they could be so admirably unique, when it was all I could do to try to fit in unnoticed – hoping nobody would see and judge the quirks that made me different.

I still display different shades, depending on who I’m around, but I think that’s more of a social preservation tactic than an insecurity problem. For instance, I’m a lot more conservative around my family or people from church. That’s just out of consideration, and I don’t think it’s being “fake.” Fake for me would be intentionally making comments that I knew would make others uncomfortable.

Anyway, this tangent has become significantly longer than anticipated, but the bottom line I suppose is that I’ve grown up a lot. And I’m glad. I just wish I had done it a little sooner.

Note To Self:

Filed under: Confessions,Just Shoot Me — Amy @ 2:18 pm

Do not get so caught up in admiring New! Smokin’! Hot! Ass! that you neglect to put on deodorant before leaving the house.

Smelly factor automatically negates Smokin’ factor, and when you stop at the convenience store to buy a travel size deodorant stick, the kid behind the counter TOTALLY KNOWS why you’re there.

I'm Back!

Filed under: Childcare,Confessions,Family,Film,Parenting,Travel — Amy @ 1:14 pm

I know.   You didn’t know I was gone.   Because I didn’t tell you.   Because I’m busy and negligent like that.

We took a weekend trip to Seattle to see the inlaws and grandparents.   The trip was great fun.   The plane rides were not.   More on that later.

But the best part is that we are childless for the week!   That sounds terrible.   Like we couldn’t wait to get rid of her.   But I will confess to jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store when I finally got out of bed this morning (at 10:30!!!) and realized that my day was entirely at my disposal – MUWHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kaelin is staying with her grandparents for the week and though we will miss her terribly, I think I really did need a break.   She’s been waking up entirely too early and been very MAMA-MAMA-MAMA-MAMA and sort of whiny lately and I HATE The Whiny.   It is beyond my parenting faculties to put up with The Whiny.   There is nothing about parenting that makes me want to walk off the nearest cliff like The Whiny.

I could tell that my temper was shortening by the end of our trip when we couldn’t have a dinner out without her throwing food everywhere and squealing at the top of her lungs, and then throwing a fit when she had to sit in the highchair and then sliding down and getting stuck in the highchair and then having a nervous breakdown because she was stuck in the highchair and we couldn’t get her out fast enough.   There’s only so much I can take and my fuse was cut pretty short.

Tonight we’re going to go this place called a “Theater” and we’re going to watch this thing called a “movie.”   It’s where you sit in these big chairs and watch a huge television that plays something other than Bob the Builder or Veggie Tales.   Did you know they made those?   And they bring you food and drinks (God bless Studio Movie Grill) whenever you want.   And there are no children around.   And you can get in for free with COUPONS which we happen to have a ton of and which expire this month so this will officially be Movie Marathon Week.

Honestly, I don’t know what we did all the time before we had Kaelin.   I worked a lot more, and we saw a lot more movies.   But that still doesn’t seem like it would fill all the time.

Anyway, now I’m working on catching up with emails and comments and templates and blog reading.


Maybe J Should Take Her Next Time

Filed under: Confessions,Just Shoot Me,Milestones,Parenting — Amy @ 10:54 pm

Yesterday we had The Visit… Kaelin’s 18-Month checkup at the doctor.

Actually, I should just start using the phrase “Nurse’s Visit” because I can’t remember the last time my child was actually seen by her doctor. Unlike some people, whose pediatricians have obviously spent enough time with their kids to recognize BOTH parents (!!!) in a non-office-type setting in which the child is absent, our pediatrician wouldn’t know my child from Winnie the Pooh, with the possible exception that my daughter is slightly less fuzzy.

So as other moms have so accurately detailed, there’s something strange that happens when an ordinary mom takes her ordinary child into the ordinary pediatrician’s nurse’s office. I don’t know the name for this phenomenon, but I think it falls somewhere between pensive insecurity and psycho-ree!-ree!-ree!

The first thing you have to do when you go in is answer a bunch of questions about your child’s development. The questions are yes/no answers and those are the only choices. Once you hit 3 “no’s” then you have to stop, signaling the end of your child’s developmental progress.

But it’s not like an internet quiz where you get results at the end. Nobody ever tells you WHAT the questions are FOR, or what they mean, or at what point it’s normal and OK that you have to stop.

Which makes it all the more nerve-wracking. All you know is that “yes” is good, and “no” is bad.

And here’s the kicker… if you don’t know the answer, or the child has not had the opportunity to try the skill mentioned – you have to answer “no.”

This is a problem for me because I’m not good at tests. Especially when I didn’t study. Because really they’re not testing HER. They’re testing ME.


Now, most of the questions we breezed through pretty easily.

Can your child pick up a ball and throw it overhand?

One of her favorite hobbies is to remove the dog’s chew toy from his mouth, run away giggling while he tries to get it back, and then throw it at him. So I felt pretty confident in answering Yes to this one.

Without being guided by you, can your child scribble with a pencil or crayon?

Um…have you seen my bathtub?

Can your child recognize and point to objects in a book when they are named?

And tell you what it’s called and what noise it makes and what color it is and whether there are one! or two! butterflies.

Does your child know her body parts, like facial features?

Yes. She can name and point to hers, and mine, and her stuffed animals’ and Dora’s. …Ok, she can’t decide whether a shin is her knee or her foot, and she tells me her mouth is hot when her throat hurts…but she totally knows everything else.

Can your child string two or more words together to communicate?

If you planted a tape recorder in our house, you would hear a never-ending stream of “poopy butt!” and “owie arm, kiss!” and “open O’s please Mama” and “outside please!” and “go away puppy!” and “thank you thank you thank you” and “up stairs, open (the gate) please”? Yeah.

But then they got harder…

“Can your child dress/undress herself, other than socks, shoes, hats, accessories?”

Um…is she supposed to be doing that? I can’t remember if she’s ever tried, but I know if she had I would have discouraged the behavior. The last thing I need is my kid doing a strip tease in the middle of Target.

“Can your child hold and drink from a cup without a lid or spout, without spilling?”

Um…what? Do you know how much carpet we have in our house??? Why on earth would I voluntarily hand a 1-year-old a cup that doesn’t have a sippy top on it?

I’ll tell you why. Because this stupid question stumped me at the nurse’s office and was “no” #3. The end, you’re dead, thanks for playing. So naturally I had to go home and try it.

I handed her a glass of water in the form of a sippy cup without the handles and lid. And by golly – she did it! I mean, eventually she got some up her nose and down her shirt, but that was after I let her carry it around the house.

Which is all fine and good, but the nurse’s office didn’t know that she could do it …I had answered “NO” on the questionnaire. They think my child is inept at the holding and the drinking.

“Should I call the office and tell them to change the answer to that question? To say YES, she can hold and drink from a cup?”

“Are you serious? You’re still worried about that?”

“But she can do it. And I said she couldn’t.”


The nurse had told me that most kids her age couldn’t do the holding and the drinking thing. The nurse had also told me that most 18-month olds threw tantrums during their checkups.

So why was I so horrified that Kaelin had thrown a tantrum about half-way through the visit?

Because it wasn’t like her. The nurse was getting the wrong impression of my daughter. She had woken up 2 hours early that morning and had not had a nap, in addition to just getting over a fever and sore throat. Under normal circumstances she would have been happy through the entire visit. At least until the rounds of immunizations.

Dear Nurse,

My daughter can hold and drink from a cup. Without a lid. Just so you know. And today she took her pants off all by herself. And normally she’s a very happy child but she was sick and tired at the visit.

I just thought you should know about that in case you were thinking about recommending that we hold her back from the first grade 3 years from now based on those questions. I also think you need to add an option after each question that says “If NO, please explain…” …or at least have “n/a” as one of the answer choices. You really should consider that.

Does my kid get a gold star?

Dear Kaelin,

I’m sorry your mother is such a spazz.


PS: One day I fully expect you to start telling people we’re not actually related and that you found me in the park somewhere and decided to bring me home and now I just follow you around wagging my tail and begging for treats. Unfortunately, nobody will believe you because you inherited all my facial expressions.

The Good News is I’ve Lost 6 Pounds

Despite my good intentions, I may have to change the look around here sooner than expected. I am, without a doubt, the world’s worst dieter. Reasons for this are twofold:

Reason #1:
Though I may profess otherwise, my actions tend to speak of a mentality along the lines of “If you screw up, go all the way.” It’s a good thing I lost my virginity to my husband or you might find me on a street corner somewhere today. Case in point: Today I fudged (how’s that for a bad diet pun) and ate TWO MEALS instead of my allowed “1 sensible meal (400-600 calories) per day” ration. Because frankly, I am SO TIRED of chocolate “shakes” and think they have no business being called “meal replacements.” And my second meal was PIZZA.

So, naturally, in my state of guilt afterward, I sent my husband to CVS for Peanut Butter M&M’s. See? I’m surprised I didn’t make a DQ Blizzard run as well. I can totally feel my lovehandles coming back though.

Reason #2:
I have an unfounded phobia of hunger. I don’t know where it came from, it’s not as though I’ve ever been deprived of food. And yet, at the end of my “1 sensible meal (400-600 calories) per day” I have this mini-panic attack where I start thinking That was it. That was all the food I get for the next TWENTY FOUR HOURS!

Cue Feeding Frenzy Freak-Out, where I think I have to eat all the food within a 5 mile radius because it will be TWENTY FOUR HOURS UNTIL MY NEXT DECENT MEAL, despite the fact that:

  1. This is not a starvation diet…I get “shakes” and meal replacements and (albeit not-so-appetizing) nutrients galore
  2. 24 hours doesn’t exactly count as a life-threatening fast

I don’t know where my hunger phobia came from, but I know I’ve always had it. I think it was the sole reason I avoided anorexia in high school. I was discussing it with J the other day and he couldn’t figure it out. See, he actually had times growing up where there was literally NO FOOD, where they would eat things like “ketchup soup” for dinner because there were no other options. And he doesn’t have this problem.

I, on the other hand, who have never been deprived of food, vividly recall ordering 12″ Subway sandwiches through middle and part of high school – not because I actually wanted to eat that much but out of fear that if I only ordered a 6″ I would reach the end of the meal and still be hungry. And then it would be too late.

Now I never think about ordering more than 6″ but I had to do a lot of mental training to get to that point.

“That’s why we get along so well,” says J. “You’d be satisfied with 6″ but when it’s a few inches bigger you’re really happy.”

"Wanna Get Away?"

Filed under: Confessions,Friends,Such is Life — Amy @ 10:05 pm

or “Why I’m the Biggest Dork Alive Vol. #17”

I was my own Southwest Airlines commercial tonight.

I was invited to a “Spa Party,” which I was looking forward to as it fits nicely with my self-indulgence motif. The host’s house is approximately 45 minutes away, so I made sure to leave in plenty of time to get there by 7pm, allowing for “lost time,” and made it almost exactly on time. I was, however, a little curious as to why there were no cars parked outside and the porch light wasn’t on.

The host’s husband answered the door and it took him a few seconds to recognize who this woman was, standing in his doorway looking so expectantly. He gives me a polite, but confused “hi” and then she comes to the door.

When she sees the slightly bewildered look on my face, she makes a pretty good guess at why I’m here.

“It’s tomorrow night.”

“It’s…what??? Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah.” She’s giving me that look that says Stupid people are so cute.

“Are you sure???” I ask. Apparently there is some small part of my delusional mind that actually believes I know more about her party than she does. Like I’m expecting her to say Oh, actually come to think of it, you’re right – it was tonight and EVERYBODY BUT YOU GOT IT WRONG.

“Yeah. …Do you… want to come in?”

“Tomorrow night? What is today?”


“And it’s tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow night?”

Um…We’re just about to sit down to dinner – are you hungry? You could stay and have dinner with us.”

I look past her to see that they are apparently having company. My face turns about 3 shades of red.

“Um…no, thanks. I’ll… be going…now…So it’s tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, are you free tomorrow?”

“I don’t know…I hadn’t even thought about tomorrow night until…now.”

Suddenly, I realize what happened. Another friend of mine was having a party on Tuesday night. I mumble some explanation about Other Party…Tuesday…Jewelry…I’ll be going now…

“You’re welcome to stay for dinner – or are you going to see if you can make it to the other party?”

Actually, the other party was last Tuesday, and I wasn’t able to go. For some reason, the day “Tuesday” stuck with me and I guess I had transferred it over to this party. But in addition to seeming like overkill, that much explanation would probably make her think I had just gotten off the crazy bus. Instead, I just muttered something along the lines of “yes.” And then I left, pausing briefly to scrape my sense of pride off the doormat.

I’ve been on a roll recently with humiliating myself at other people’s houses. Maybe I should just stay home tomorrow night.

A Rose With Any Other Haircut…

It appears that lb has unfortunately inherited my facial recognition skills…or lack thereof. I can watch the same actor in 3 different movies and as long as his hair is different, I have no idea it’s the same person.

I have people come up to me frequently in group situations and call me by name. Knowing my inability to remember faces, I pretend to know them as well. Then after the conversation is over, I ask J who the heck that was. The response is usually something like “You just talked to them for an hour last week in church.”

Kaelin is convinced that everybody with a beard is J. She’ll point to any picture of any man with a beard and proclaim “Daddo!” Oh, and she’s also decided that the bust of Beethoven on my parents’ piano is “Daddo!” too.

She also thinks that pretty much anybody with long hair is “Mama!” She recently spent half a day pointing out Mama! on the back of the Triscuits box (Rachel Ray). Mama! has also been known to grace the Pampers diaper box… despite the fact that I have not, at any point in her lifetime, been a blonde.

So, I’m wondering… what happens when I cut my hair? I’m really not a long-hair person. The only reason I have it is because I’m too friggin’ lazy to get my hair cut more than once a year. So when I finally get it whacked…will my daughter cease to recognize me? Will she go running from me, into the arms of Rachel Ray or the nearest neighbor with long tresses (which in this neighborhood is likely to be a guy)?

I guess we’ll find out eventually.


Filed under: Confessions,Family,Feeling,Holidays,Such is Life — Amy @ 10:15 pm

We’re being somewhat non-traditional this year and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On some scales, tradition is very important to me. It’s a way to connect to years past and people I may not have ever met. A little bit of history, lived out in the present. It’s something to look forward to every year, and reminisce about years before.

On the other hand, there are times when I tire of formality and doing things just because they have always been done that way. For instance, one year J and I and his immediate family decided to scratch the gift-giving thing (for the most part) and run off to Canada to stay at the Four Seasons hotel for Christmas – then we enjoyed Boxing Day afterward. That was a fun way to escape the monotony of Christmas Day, and the crowds of pre-Christmas shopping.

Although I will say that the pre-Christmas crowds have got nothing on the Boxing Day crowds. The stores quickly exceed their fire code limit on the number of people permitted inside, so you have to take a number and wait in line just to get IN. And for all the hype, the “great deals” on Boxing Day aren’t really that great.   I think my grand total of loot for the day was a sweater.

This year we aren’t forgoing the traditions lived out each year, generation after generation. We’re mostly forgoing the traditions we set ourselves.

We’re not sending out Christmas Cards/Newsletters. That has been something I have been religious about most years. This year I find that I just don’t want to spend the money and energy writing, printing pictures, putting them all together, addressing, etc.

We have no lights outside. I’m sure the neighbors are beginning to think that we don’t ever celebrate a holiday. Christmas is the only holiday we have ever taken the trouble to decorate for, and we’re not even doing that.

We don’t have any decorations on the inside either. Last year was our first Christmas in this house, and I probably single-handedly supported the commercial holiday industry by bringing home 500 tons of Christmas decorations over the course of the season. This year they are all in boxes in a closet.

We’re not having a Christmas Party. This was a tradition we started last year because we finally had a house worth inviting people over to and really enjoy hosting parties. We had a great turnout last year and loved seeing all our friends and family and with the exception of a flying pot of cyder and some mysterious sticky stuff that ended up on the carpet, it went smoothly and was nothing but fun. Unfortunately, this year we just couldn’t afford it and presents. So we opted for presents.

We’re not getting a tree. Mostly because we have a 1-year-old that likes to remove objects from their place and distribute them around the floor, and a dog that likes to confiscate anything he finds on the floor and chew it into itty bitty pieces. I have no interest in walking in to find that all the glass ornaments hanging at the bottom 3 feet of the tree have been stripped off, and distributed in tiny shards around the house.

There will be no array of presents spread about the base of the tree, because a) no tree, and b) our 1-year-old also likes to dismantle wrapped gifts. All presents will be securely stowed out of reach and probably transferred to my parents’ house for safekeeping.

For the time being, none of these changes really bother me. I just hope that when we’re sitting around on Christmas Eve, I don’t start to wish I was curled up on the couch with my hot chocolate, staring at the twinkle of a tree, and basking in the glow of 10,000 little lights strung up around the house (inside and out); stockings hanging over the fireplace and a warm and peaceful aura all around. That’s one of my favorite parts of Christmas and this year it won’t be happening.

So, I’m curious – is anybody else out there a traditionist at heart?   Do you have any annual traditions that will be going by the wayside this year?

I Shouldn't Be Allowed on the Internet

Filed under: Confessions,Family,Teh Internets — Amy @ 9:46 pm

I accidentally spent $50 on You know that button that says “Buy Now with 1-Click?” Yeah. They mean that.

If you press that button there will be no order confirmation, no chance to change any of the details. Just a page that says “YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN PLACED. IF THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT, TOO BAD. IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO PUSH THE 1-CLICK BUTTON OUT OF CURIOSITY, CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT WE’RE SENDING YOU THE PRODUCTS INSTEAD OF JUST CHARGING YOU AN IDIOT SHOPPER FEE.” Or something to that effect.

I am a fickle online purchaser. I make my selections, carefully weed out my cart until it contains the perfect blend of absolute necessities. I proceed to checkout, enter my card information, then delete my entire cart and cancel the order.

It’s probably some kind of neurosis with a long scientific name that is easily treatable with medications, and I should probably see somebody about that. But those medications are probably expensive and cause weight gain as a side effect and frankly, I’d rather be crazy than poor and fat.

But the fact remains, when I don’t get the chance to confirm and cancel my order, it kind of unsettles me.

That, and that $50 came out of the “Christmas fund” so J is all pissed off now because a) we have $50 less to spend on family, and b) he was going to give those books to me for Christmas.

And you wanna know the really sick part? I could probably find a way to cancel the order before anything has been shipped. Yet somehow, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Santa is totally bringing me coal this year.

Junior Shoplifter Extraordinaire and other Random Bullets

Filed under: Confessions,Marriage,Parenting,Photography,Such is Life — Amy @ 10:26 pm
  • We went gift shopping this morning and about 10 seconds after we left the store I looked down to find that Kaelin, while in her stroller, had managed to apply the 5-finger-discount to a pack of AA batteries. The sad part is, while we were returning the batteries to the store owner I was thinking, “I could have used those batteries.”
  • I need a new camera. I need a new camera that won’t freeze at the most inconvenient moments, forcing me to forgo the photos completely to take the batteries out and reboot it. I need a camera that will take a friggin’ picture when I tell it to, rather than politely declining my request with the suggestion that we discuss it over coffee. And I need a camera that has SOME SEMBLANCE OF A CLUE about white balance and color accuracy. I need this camera.
  • Unfortunately, one of the downsides about working part time is the complete and total lack of savable monies for things like Christmas presents and aforementioned camera necessities.
  • Perhaps I should just send my daughter into the camera store and see what she comes out with.
  • Kaelin woke up from her nap today exceedingly displeased. As soon as I entered her room, I could see smell why. During her lunch, she had consumed 3 drink boxes of juice and a hearty amount of food – all of which had made its way through her during the nap. The clothes, the sheets, the changing table cover – all of it went straight into the wash.

    J:     You should probably put some bleach in there too to kill any of the germs.
    Me: I used Spray’N’Wash.
    J:     I doubt Spray’N’Wash kills germs.
    Me: Are you kidding? Have you ever smelled Spray’N’Wash?
    J:       …Good point. That stuff could probably kill a small animal.

Please Don't Call CPS

Filed under: Confessions,Parenting — Amy @ 2:53 pm

When I was pregnant, we used to joke about parenting our child like we do our pets – a spritz in the mouth of Bitter Apple Spray when Juniorette wouldn’t stay away from the bookshelf, etc.

Kaelin has recently started a yelling phase. When she’s done with her meal, when she’s bored, slightly discontented, or when she realizes she doesn’t have 100% of my attention at any given moment. It’s not at all the same as the crying she does when she’s really upset. It’s just flat-out yelling.

It’s driving me up the wall. Seriously, if it continues for much longer I just might drown myself in the bathtub. If I can get around all the plastic squirty toys.

I hate yelling. Raised voices make my blood pressure rise and my nerves implode. I can’t think, I can’t hear, it’s all I can do to continue breathing in a semi-normal fashion. The sudden but constant “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!” that I have recently been subjected to on a daily basis is enough to make me start bashing my head into the nearest wall.

And yet, I’m unsure what to do about it.

According to BabyCenter, she’s too young to understand time out (and putting her in time out would undoubtedly increase the yelling and rush me that much closer to jumping off a bridge). She’s too young for spanking, etc – and even if she wasn’t I’m not sure that’s the best method of behavioral training for her. I’ve tried the slap on the hand when she’s reaching for something she shouldn’t be. It totally had the opposite effect. I might as well have said “Good girl, Kaelin! Do it again!”

So the challenge of coming up with a negative consequence that she’ll understand and take heed of is a big one.

Yesterday morning she was laying on the bed after her bath, and I was trying to apply her lotion and diaper. The yelling began. I reached over and grabbed the squirt bottle we use for the cat when he’s being obnoxious and misted her right in the face.

She blinked. Then she looked at me like, “What the hell was that???”

But the yelling stopped. She didn’t yell for the rest of the day.

UPDATE:   As there has been some confusion, I feel the need to clarify that I spritzed my daughter with water – not apple/pepper spray.  

About Me

Hi. I'm Amy. I started this website in 2005 as a place to deposit my journal and photos. It has gone through a few incarnations and masquerades as a family site, but since I'm the only one who contributes to it, it's really all about ME, ME, ME.

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